Friendship!

It is great to have friends when one is young, but indeed it is still more so when you are getting old. When we are young, friends are, like everything else, a matter of course. In the old days we know what it means to have them.  Evard Grieg

Betty, a good friend, and I drove down to Hingham, MA yesterday to visit another good friend, Jean, who is living at Lindon Ponds. After a trip to the bank, which Jean needed to take, we went to her apartment. We had time before lunch to catch up with all the news of our lives and the news of our children.  Then we went to the dining room and enjoyed lunch.  Jean served us dessert in her apartment and we discussed current news of the world, our mothers and the NYTimes Mother's Day contest describing your mother in six words, the experience of growing older, books we were reading, changes taking place in the church, and our participation in LIRA (Learning in Retirement Association).  We shared our mutual desire to learn as much as we could about the world in which we live and our deepening curiosity as we grow older.  It was a very pleasant day and we made plans to visit again.


I met Betty 30 years ago when I went to St. John's Episcopal Church.  She was the organist and choir director then and she invited me to join the choir and I did.  Several years later we met Jean when she and her husband joined the church.  Paul had been a Deacon and they had lived in India for several years.  After Paul died, Jean continued to invite friends to dinner and we watched a movie afterwards, usually a foreign film with subtitles.  Then on a trip to Portugal with one of her sons and his family, Jean fell and broke her leg.  It required a long convalescence and a new life-style, so she moved to Lindon Ponds.

Our conversation concluded with our thoughts on the value of friendships.  And we agreed that long-standing friendships were wonderful but that we had to make new friends as well since, sadly, we had reached an age when friends had begun to move away or to die.  A friend with whom we have shared so many experiences is warm and comforting but we need also to have younger friends to challenge us and with whom we can share new experiences.  While we live, we need to live fully and to seek new ways of doing things and not to give into doing things just because we have always done it that way!

A true friend is the gift of God, and he only who made hearts can untie them.  Robert South

"You're Only Old Once" by Dr. Seuss

I celebrated my 77th birthday on Easter Day, the only time that both will coincide in my life-time! According to the Episcopal Book of Common Prayer, "Easter Day is always the Sunday after the full moon that occurs on or after the spring equinox on March 21, a date which is fixed in accordance with an ancient ecclesiastical computation, and which does not always correspond to the astronomical equinox." It has occured on April 24th once in 189 years!

It was especially significant for me since I share my birth date with two friends. The Rev. Karen Ann Campbell, a close friend for whom I worked for nine years, and her family invited me to join them for the day. We went to church and Karen preached a wonderful sermon, had lunch at a very lovely restaurant and then shared gifts and birthday cake at her home. It was a very joyous celebration! All my children and friends called me when I got home in the late afternoon and I felt very honored and loved! During the week I was invited to lunch twice by another two of my close friends to celebrate. The first took me to our favorite seafood restaurant, and the second, took me to a charming tea room with a collection of antiques where we enjoyed delicious food and browsing.

At age 77, how do I feel? I am aware that I am growing old! That my memory sometimes falters.That my motivation to make changes (like losing weight) is lost. That my mind isn't as sharp as it used to be. That three quarters of my life has been lived (maybe more!). That I tire more easily. That insomnia is becoming regular. That I cannot read as fast as I used to. That I cannot do all the things that used to give me so much pleasure.

I am aware that I'm on a slippery slope! But I am also aware that I'm "in pretty good shape for the shape I'm in!" (Dr. Seuss) And for today I'm grateful for the shape I'm in. I am still pretty adept at the computer and with a camera and a GPS has restored my comfort level with travel. I can handle a simple cell phone but I seem to be missing the gene all young people seem to have.

I am now three years from being an octogenarian! My father lived for 88 years and my mother for 86 years so odds are that I will live until 80 something. How do I feel about that? That will require another blog to discuss! When I was very young and survived rheumatic fever I always felt that I would have a healthy old age. Funny, the crazy ideas that you get! I am doing all the things that older adults are supposed to do to stay mentally alert and have "quality of life." I will just have to be the best I can be and wait and see!! It will be an interesting journey!

Look with mercy, O God our Father, on all whose increasing years bring them weakness, distress, or isolation, Provide for them homes of dignity and peace; give them understanding helpers, and the willingness to accept help; and, as their strength diminishes, increase their faith and their assurance of your love. This we ask in the name of Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
Book of Common Prayer

God loves us too much to leave us alone!

“I don’t know how many of you watch the ‘reality’ TV shows,” the priest began her sermon. The theme of the sermon was “God loves you too much to leave you alone,” based on the scriptures for the second Sunday in Lent. She envisioned Sarah and Abraham, from the first reading, as contestants on a reality show.

At 100 (Abraham) and 90 (Sarah) years of age, God promises them the birth of a child and tells them that their offspring will be as numerous as the stars. Sarah laughs at the very thought of enjoying pleasure with Abraham again. God tells them to name the child Isaac. He makes a covenant with them, promising that they will be the grandparents of Kings and multitudes. This is the passage, one of my personal favorites, which led me to use the name of “Sarah” for this blog. It is about a very old woman who gives birth at a very advanced age. “God loves us too much to leave us alone.” There are many ways of “giving birth.” Nearly all endeavors lead to something new coming forth and being “born.”

The sermon went on to other “contestants” and the phrase, repeated several times, that God loves us too much to leave us alone, evoked many thoughts. The first being laughter and that I wasn’t at all sure that I wanted God to get involved! I just want to be left alone to do my thing, which nowadays includes too much TV time and napping. The last time I felt called by God to do something, led to a great disappointment and being told that I was “too old.” I haven’t yet resolved completely my profound sense of loss. Then two and a half years ago I had a stroke, reminding me that I am not in control.

I may not ever be called to do anything memorable. Perhaps God is calling me to do the best I can do in the circumstances in which I find myself. Perhaps God will continue to nudge me and perhaps I will continue to respond, “Who do you think you’re nudging?” But I think that the Reverend Karen Ann Campbell is right. God loves me too much to leave me alone.

I grow old, ever learning many things.

Solon

As I Grow Old

As I grow old I want to have a face etched with the experiences of my youth, my young adult years, my middle age and my old age. I want my face to reflect all the places I’ve been, all the things I’ve done, all the people I’ve known, all the smiles and tears of a lifetime. I don’t want to plump my face with botox and erase all the evidence of living. As if I’ve lived in an eternal state of youth, not having known the joys and sorrows of adulthood and the wisdom of age. I want my hands to reflect the diapers I’ve changed and the cookies I’ve baked and the laundry I’ve done. The hands I’ve held in love and the hands that have reached out to others. Age is not the end of life, it is the fulfillment of life. And all the signs of aging, some of which are not pleasant, are there to remind me of the life I’ve lived and the people I’ve loved. I want people to know that I’m 76. I don’t want them to exclaim, “How young you look!” I want them to notice the lines and see that I’m still living my life to the fullest. I want my history reflected in my face. Grow old with me! The best is yet to be, The last of life, for which the first was made: Our times are in his hand Who sayeth "a whole I plant, Youth shows but half; Trust God; see all nor be afraid." Robert Browning

Spiritual Mentors

From the left: Fr. White, Me, Karen, Al, Betty, Laurie and Eleanor at the Healing Prayer Group Christmas 1989, Thelma took the picture!

On the last day of March I stepped into an old role for me, assisting my former priest the Rev. Kenneth Gordon White at the funeral of our friend Thelma Hoyle. She and her husband Al retired and moved to Alpine, TX to be near other members of their family. Al brought Thelma back to be buried in a family plot in Lowell, MA. I was a member of St. John's Episcopal Church in Lowell, MA from 1980 until 2001, when I left to be The Rev. Karen Ann Campbell's secretary at Church of the Good Shepherd in Fitchburg, MA.

Karen had served an internship at St. John's when she was a student at the Episcopal Divinity School and I was part of her supervisory committee! We had a wonderful Lenten Program that year in which Al and Thelma and myself played a part in Narnia! Everyone loved her and when she left I joined a Women's Group she was leading at St. Mark's in Westford. She was ordained to the Diaconate in Vermont June 8, 2000 and I was one of her proud presenters. She was hired by the Church of the Good Shepherd September 11, 2000 and in the Fall of 2003 she was ordained as a priest. I was very honored that Karen asked me to deliver the sermon on that day.

Thelma was a wonderful spiritual mentor to me. I attended the weekly Healing Prayer Group that she and Al sponsored and I followed in her footsteps as a Lay Reader. When they left for Texas I became the hostess of the Prayer Group. And Karen became a spiritual mentor to me and has remained a good friend. She was also the best "boss" I have ever had! Both women were exceptional role models and I was blessed to have them both as friends. I have said good-bye to Thelma and I will be saying farewell to Karen soon as she will be pursuing her calling and serving the priesthood in another state. My life has been greatly enriched by knowing them both.

"Beloved, let us love one another; for love is of God; and every one that lovelth is born of God, and knoweth God." I John:4:7

National Women's History Month

March has been designated as National Women's History Month and I have observed the month by posting Encyclopedia Brittanica blogs and relevant news articles to my Facebook with the hope that my friends and especially my granddaughters would read them. My project has been a grand failure! I have received very few comments from my friends and none from my granddaughters. I am not sure what that means, but I am guessing that the lack of interest is that Facebook is usually very short exchanges of personal information and my granddaughters take the freedom they enjoy for granted and aren't interested in history.

Today I posted two EB articles on "The Feminine Mystique" by Betty Friedan, published in 1963, and Gloria Steinem, the founder of NOW. Two outstanding women who started the "women's movement." I read "The Feminine Mystique" and identified strongly with Friedan's assessment of women's role in society. I didn't join any feminist group but I read and read and my mind was irrevocably changed, I did march in Washington for the Equal Rights Amendment. I am grateful for Betty Friedan, Gloria Steinem and all the women since, and before, who had the courage of their convictions and paved a path for me to follow.

Although women have achieved many "firsts," and changed the world for the better, it is my opinion that many women are changing the world in less than positive ways, sometimes in destructive ways that threaten the freedoms fought for by so many women.

Sarah

"Feminism is the most revolutionary idea there has ever been. Equality for women demands a change in the human psyche, more profound than anything Marx dreamed of. It means valuing parenthood as much as we value banking." Polly Toynbee