Meeting With my PCP

I had an appointment with my primary care physician, Dr. Tushar Patel, this morning.  It was the first time since February, when he had called to tell me that in all likelihood I had leukemia and that I was being referred to Tufts Medical Center for treatment.  He appeared to be very glad to see me and gave me a big hug which really surprised me!  He was accompanied by a man whom he introduced as an intern.  And he expressed amazement at how well I am doing.  He has received a copy of all my medical records from Tufts.  He gave the intern a synopsis of my medical history in which he said that I had come to see him and reported that I was unusually tired.  He had ordered blood work and it revealed leukemia.  He talked about unusually high "blasts," making it sound like a major battle was being fought!  There was...my body fighting for life.  Dr. Patel startled me by saying that he did not think I would live.  I was expected to die in a few days.  I was engaged in a battle where 80% of the enemy were aligned against me.  I was over come by the overwhelming feeling of being a "miracle!"

We reviewed my medication and he added two--baby aspirin and oxibutynin--and eliminated pantoprazole which had been prescribed for the heartburn I experienced in the hospital.  A side effect of it could be part of my problem with incontinence.  He scheduled my next appointment for January 2013. 

When I saw Karen on her recent trip back, and asked her about her crying so profusely after driving me to Tufts she simply said "I thought that I would never see you again!" 

My friends all think that my recovery is a miracle, as do I!  A miracle performed by others.  The Staff at Tufts Medical Center, especially the 8th floor personnel who were compassionate and caring, in addition to being highly trained and professional; the members of St. John's Episcopal Church who prayed for me; and my friends who also prayed for me.  My children who prayed for me and came to care for me; and a myriad of people I have never met who are members of prayer groups prayed for me!  My imagination sees them all storming heaven and not taking no for an answer!  In my imagination     "those I love but see no longer" my parents, my first child, my grandmother Nanny, Rusty and Bubu who cared for me when my mother went to be with Daddy in WW2, other family members and Mike, a very beloved dog; all standing firm in their prayers of well-being for me. 

I inherited a love of dictionaries and language from my father.  As a result I own several dictionaries which are kept at my computer desk, all ready to enlighten me.  My favorite is a paperback copy of The Oxford English Dictionary (containing 90,000 words, phrases, and definitions).  

In it a miracle is defined as a welcome event that is so extraordinary that it is thought to be the work of God or a saint.

My recovery from leukemia is certainly a welcome event!  And it was, and is, very extraordinary!  So extraordinary that only a higher power could have brought it about.  In 2012 an estimated 23,540 men and women will die of leukemia.  


Following is a prayer taken from "Soul Weaving--A Gathering of Women's Prayers," edited by Kyn Klug, 1996.  The prayer is written by Jo Carr and Imogene Sorley. It expresses so poignantly what I feel. How do I make a difference?

Why me, Lord?
Right in the middle of a strange, mixed-up world.
And with this nagging awareness within me
that you want me
to do something
or say something
or be something
that will make a difference.
It may not change the course of history--
but it may change the course of some life.
And I am obligated to respond to your call.
Why me, Lord?
I don't know why.  
I only know the unrest,
the divine discontent,
the eagerness on one had to charge off in service for you,
and the agony on the other of not knowing in what direction.
Why me, Lord?
And what, what would you have me do?

I accept the honor of being a miracle and want to thank all those who cared for me, my children and my friends and to all those, known and unknown, who prayed for me.  

The Color Purple

I have fallen in love with the color purple!  Purple has not been a common color.  Until recently not very many things were made in the color purple.  I was 77 years old and had never bought anything purple.  I didn't dislike purple, it never seemed to come to my attention.  Now, it is everywhere.  At least, in New England, it is "the" most popular color this season.  

It has invaded even the men's department.  I am watching TV and a man is wearing a beautiful purple tie.  Purple and lavender shirts are also very popular.  In all department stores purple is available.  

Since falling in love with the color I have googled purple.

The Purple Heart is awarded to all military personnel who are wounded in action.  The award represents courage.  My father was awarded the medal when shrapnel exploded in his helmet in Italy after the Anzio Beachhead. 

My granddaughter, Elizabeth Aileen, also received a Purple Heart in Iraq.  The truck in which she was riding shotgun, hit an IED and rolled over several times, landing upside down.  The woman who was driving the truck was killed.  Elizabeth walks with a brace on her leg and a cane and still struggles with PTSD.  When the doctors decide that she is old enough for a knee replacement, they will operate and she will be able to walk without discomfort.  She is now expecting her first child and as her weight increases, the pain increases.