"Hard to learn that you are not, anymore, exactly who you have been, that you are not even who you think you are." Barbara Crafton
I tend to think of myself as being--well, myself, just an older version of myself. Not able to do all the things that I once did. Perhaps I have lived several versions of myself. It seems easy to acknowledge that I am no longer a child, nor a teen, nor a married mother of four children. My children are now 53, 51, 49, and 47! I have 16 grandchildren and 5 great-grandchildren! And I was divorced from my husband and have lived 32 years as a single woman. It seems likely that I have lived through many versions of myself.
I'm just not sure what version of myself I will be in the future. I am uncomfortably close to being an octogenarian! When I review my life I am happy about most of it but sad about other times. In retrospect I believe that I missed opportunities that would have led to bigger and better things. I invested too much of myself in a tumultuous relationship after my divorce that didn't have a prayer of resulting in what I really wanted. I do have regrets, but they cannot be undone. They can only be acknowledged and learned from and not repeated. Thank God, I believe that God loves all his children and that true repentance results in forgiveness.
So now, all I have to do is determine who I will be in the present version of myself. What will be my priorities as I grow older? Surely there is part of who I was that is worth keeping! What shall I let go or revise? How much choice do I have? Or is it something that just happens?
Good to read your blog, as always, Dona! You are a brilliant and talented woman whom I love & appreciate--old, young, or in between!
ReplyDeleteHi, Sarah,
ReplyDeleteI'm trying out another comment to see if the difficulties occur. I have this text box, and at the bottom it says "comment as" with my name. Underneat are 2 places to click, one says post comment and the other says preview. I don't have a "send" button. Maybe you should try going in fresh through the Internet; that is how I got here. Love, Pru
You are a great writer and I do love when you post to your blog even though I don't always comment. Your writing is thought provoking and insightful.
ReplyDeleteI regret that Grandpa did not leave us more of his writing his stories were full of interest and history. You asked once what I might want you to leave me. Your writing, your ideas, your words is the most valuable thing you could bequeath to all of us.
If you don't mind stick around a little longer and write more please.