In 2000, 245,000 adults and children in the US were affected with some form of leukemia. Our population is growing older and living longer lives and I am part of a study on how to effectively treat the elderly population.
I had my third appointment with Dr. Sprague and Dr. Chakra yesterday since having the second consolidation. I was anemic and required a transfusion. I was very surprised to learn that it was not my first transfusion. I had two during my first hospitalization. I do not recall too much of what happened during my initial hospitalization--it remains a blur! I was relieved that Dr. Sprague wanted to see me only once the following week. They are hoping to do the bone marrow biopsy and pop my name in the computer for random selection.
Cheryl went to find some lunch for us and I went to wait in the infusion waiting room, hoping that it wouldn't be a long wait. It was less than an hour when I was called in. The woman who hooked me up to the platelets on Thursday, hooked me up to the blood and explained that it would take at least one hour.
I would not describe myself as a squeamish person, but I was "freaked out" by the blood! And I kept wondering whose blood it was that was now slowly dripping into my veins. Was it a man's? Or a woman's? What were they like? All the vampire movies I have seen (not many!) were haunting me! I was very relieved when I was able to leave.
In the military you develop friendships in an unusual way. When we were assigned to a new post there were new people to meet. A commanding officer with a staff assigned as he saw fit. There were no women on duty then. We were invited to all social functions and became well acquainted with our fellow officers and their wives.
We did not always like all the members of our group but we were acculturated to always maintain a civil attitude and we always found those couples with whom we had a lot in common and genuinely liked!
We were stationed in Bamberg, Germany in 1970. My husband was a battalion commander and a Col. Barnett DeRamus was post commander. He was married to a charming woman named Betsy and they had four children. We had so many good times with them. They were both from the South and Barnett was the epitome of a Southern gentleman. He was very tall with white hair and was very good looking. His favorite person to quote was the Duc Francois de La Rochefoucauld who wrote short pithy sayings. Betsy was very lively and a fun companion. They both spoke Italian having learned the language during an assignment there. They entertained often.
During a training exercise in Grafenwohr when both husbands were gone, Betsy decided to go to Lake La Garda in Italy. She invited me to go along and I was delighted. We rented a small pension near the lake. We drove to La Garda but I don't remember how we got there with all eight children! I do remember the bright green bikini I bought--my first!--for the trip! We spent our days on the beach, feasted on wonderful Italian food, and experienced "la dolce vita."
There was a very famous opera in Verona and they were presenting Aida by Verde. We went for the day and enjoyed the sights, especially reveling in the attention we received from everyone because of our eight children! The "Arena di Verona" was a magnificent coliseum and we settled ourselves on the steps. It was a breath-taking performance and one of my favorite memories. The children were good and fell asleep on the steps!
We returned to Germany with unforgettable memories. They have dimmed with time but they still give me pleasure to remember them. With the pleasure there is pain. Shortly thereafter Chuck was reassigned to Kelly Barracks in Stuttgart, Germany. Which meant, making new friends. Which we did. We exchanged Christmas cards with the DeRamus's and caught up with the news at least once a year.
Several years later (at least twenty), after I had moved into my condo, I received a lovely long letter from Barnett. It was full of news of the children and Betsy and that he was dying of cancer. He ended by hoping for news from us and he made a final request that I might write to him. I am ashamed to say that I never did. I intended to but my words went without saying. Betsy wrote a letter when he died. Now that I have leukemia and have contemplated my own death, I am saddened by my lack of response and wish I could say I'm sorry. How often have I ignored my good intentions?
Rest eternal grant to him, O Lord;
And let light perpetual shine upon him.
May his soul, and the souls of all the departed,
through the mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen
Book of Common Prayer
The car had a flat on Sunday just as we pulled out to go to church. So on Monday we had to go into Tufts using commuter rail. The train leaves every hour at 15 minutes past the hour. It takes you into North Station in Boston. We caught the 9:15 train. As you exit the train station, to your right a few feet is the entrance to the "T", Boston's subway system. The Orange Line takes you to a stop that is directly underneath Tufts Medical Center!
We did all of the above and arrived at the Lab at 10:45 a.m. Three people were in front of me, and ordinarily it didn't take too long. But this particular morning it was taking an extraordinarily long time. I went to check on my status and was told that they had had several emergencies. They would see me as soon as possible. I thanked them and tried to hide my frustration. You don't want to irritate the nurse who is shortly going to stick a needle in your chest!
My name was called next and my blood was sent to a doctor to determine if I needed an infusion. I needed an infusion of platelets. Mine were very low. Dr. Chakra (the assistant to my doctor, Dr. Sprague) came around to reassure me that I would be out of there by 2 o'clock.
I sent Cheryl to get some lunch for us and I went to the infusion lounge to wait. There were no chairs available for new patients. At 2 pm I was called in
but had to wait again for a nurse to be available. I was feeling very tired and slept through most of the infusion. I was released and we headed for North Station around 3:30 pm and got home around 5:30 pm, quite a bit worse for the wear!
I was exhausted!
Cheryl went to get the car while I waited one last time. The waiting room was cool but not enough to trigger what happened to me next. I took a chill and started shaking. No one else seemed to be bothered but I was freezing! I continued to shake uncontrollably until we arrived at home and after and Cheryl covered me with a blanket. I ate half a sandwich and went to bed. I don't think I moved all night! Nor did I wake up!
I have been very lethargic today. I am waking with the birds literally and spent some time rearranging my closet. I was not tired since I went to bed at 8:00 pm. And I enjoyed a good night's sleep. My mind racing seems to have abated and I am able to relax.
My friend Julie came for a visit at 10:30 a.m. Julie and Bella! Bella is a MinPin, a "Miniature Pincher" that she rescued from the pound. He is devoted to Julie and Julie to him. Julie has been a friend for almost forty years. We met when we were in college and had a class together. It was the first of several classes that we shared. We both lived at Fort Devens where our husbands were serving in the military. Her husband was a dentist. My husband was an artillery man. We stayed in college and earned master's degrees. Then we braved the real world and got jobs. She was a social worker and I was an addiction's counselor. We remained friends. She had four children and I had four children. We have supported each other through a life cycle of events! And are still good friends.
I'm looking forward to tomorrow. A day free of commitments. I am tempted to stay home on Sunday too. It is Father's Day--more of a Hallmark Holiday than a religious observance. I am tired of having to keep appointments and not being in control of my life. And I am ashamed of complaining. Shirley French's daughter has been very ill with a cancer that has not responded to treatment. Her prognosis is very poor. Her daughter has two children, ages 20 and 18, and is actively sick. Shirley is so solicitous of my well being. I am 78 and have had a good life. I have nothing to complain of--even being out of control of my life.
In downtown Boston, in the heart of Chinatown and the Theater District, stands the oldest hospital in the United States. Founded in 1796, and called the Boston Dispensary, the people of Boston funded tickets that enabled the poor to receive services. One of the original tickets was signed by Paul Revere and is on display at the Massachusetts Historical Society!
Tufts Medical Center faces the "Floating Children's Hospital." A hospital designed after an actual ship that was used for the children from 1894 to 1927. On July 25th, 1894 a boat became an innovative hospital for poor children. Little was known about treatment but many believed that the cool winds of sea air promoted good health. Reverend Rufus B. Tobey advocated taking sick babies for the therapeutic effects of a day on Boston Harbor. The Boston Herald promoted the idea and donations poured in. The Boston Floating Hospital was born. For 33 years the babies and their mothers received care! in 1906 a 170 foot ship was buiilt in Boston and in the 1920's they established a facility for research. In 1931 the Jackson Memorial Building opened.
The streets are alive with the hustle and bustle of people all going in different directions, hurrying to their destination. The Chinese people who live there are fascinating to someone who has never known a great deal about the Chinese. They are small and delicate although some of the younger members have grown tall. The young women are lovely, slender as reeds and hurry by with young men. The children are adorable with alert looking eyes. I sit, perched on the foundation of the building, waiting for my ride and I happily watch the surrounding scene. The traffic is heavy and pedestrians scurry along the street and to cross the street. There are double buses that run and three lanes of traffic--all in a hurry.
It has been a good day. I did not have to have an infusion to boost my white blood count and my fainting episode was simply checked out and documented.
I was free to go!
The older Chinese women are the most interesting. They are very attractive and those who appear to be married, are married to men as short as they are. They are well dressed. Neat and tidy and for the most part in American dress.
From the confusion of the street rise two buildings, one a children's medical facility and across from it, rising 8 floors, is Tuft's Medical Center where I am a patient. It is becoming a sort of home away from home. I am acquainted with some of the staff, including my doctors. It is a lot like the street. A lot of people are coming and going
I feel proud of being a patient at Tuft's. I am pleased to be part of a teaching hospital. I consider myself to be very fortunate to have been referred here!
I was hospitalized for my first consolidation after the trip to Carlisle for Dean's retirement. Cheryl returned from a trip to Arizona on the 3rd of May and drove me to Tufts. "Consolidation" is a six day period of chemotherapy that is less intense than the first time. Cheryl awoke on the 4th running a fever and couldn't come see me. She went to the emergency room and was diagnosed as having a sinus infection. The rooms on the oncology ward are kept as sterile as possible. All visitors and staff wear robes and plastic gloves to protect the patient from infection.
Cheryl did not recover until the end of the week and returned to pick me up. You are released from the hospital as soon as your last chemotherapy is given. There is a higher incidence of infection occurring in a hospital than in your own home.
Since I had no visitors that week it became retreat time and I had brought a book to read. "The Good Book" by the Reverend Professor Peter J. Gomes. He was born in Boston, Massachusetts in 1942 and graduated from Harvard Divinity School. He studied at Tuskegee Institute and in 1970 he came to Harvard as assistant minister in The Memorial Church. In 1974 he was appointed Plummer Professor of Christian Morals and Pusey Minister in The Memorial Church, Harvard University. A good friend of mine had given me his book of Sermons several years ago and I had not yet read them. I had heard of Reverend Gomes and that he was really good but I have a lot of books to read. I don't know why I bought another book by him without reading the first but I did. I thought that "The Good Book" was the last book he had written before his death but it wasn't.
I began reading and became mesmerized by what I read. It is about reading the Bible. He covered many topics such as "Women and the Bible," "The Bible and Science," "The Bible and Homosexuality," which made it easy to jump around and not necessarily read straight through. As I read more and more I knew that I hadn't adequately prepared myself. I didn't have a highlighter pen or any other means to mark the passages that were most relevant to me.
The staff of nurses and technicians were in and out taking vital signs and checking on me, of course, and I enjoyed it very much. Several stayed and talked for a while and some commented that they liked coming to my room. I reveled in the attention and met several people that had we been connected in another way would probably have become friends because we shared interests. Everyone asked about the book I was reading and they gave me paper for notes and found a highlighter for me!
I was most impressed by Reverend Gomes inclusiveness. He excluded no one from the love of God. He was also a wonderful writer and at times I felt the need for a dictionary! I read and re-read. The book excited me and touched me in ways not usually experienced. I finished the book while in the hospital and read parts of the book a second time. I was enjoying a "high" all week long! I recommended the book to everyone.
A woman who was with social services came to see me and said she would like for the chaplain to meet me. I agreed that it would be nice. The chaplain was a woman and she came up to see me that afternoon. I enjoyed meeting her but probably talked too much!
I was so disappointed that I had not known about Reverend Gomes when he was at Harvard. I could have driven to the chapel and attended services and heard him in person. A lost opportunity that I regret.
I intend to review "The Good Book" again. Especially the chapters of special interest. And I am now reading "The Gospel of Jesus Christ" and enjoying a sermon before sleeping at night! Though he is no longer living and I never met him, he has had a profound influence on my spiritual life and I am grateful to have met him.
A meaningful quote from his chapter on Women and the Bible:
"When the congregation is asked to sing 'Rise Up, O Men of God,' are the women to remain seated, or are they to think of themselves as Elizabeth I did, as a man trapped in the puny body of a woman?"
The Reverend Peter J. Gomes, Preacher to Harvard University
"The Good Book, Reading the Bible with Mind and Heart"
I received so many cards and notes in the hospital wishing me well and I wanted to make a scrapbook of my mementos to be reminded of the love that surrounded me. So I put them all in a box as soon as I got home and when I was strong enough I went shopping!
I loved the cards. They were all beautiful and reassuring of the sender's affection and the prayers that were said but there was one special card I received that was very dear to me. My youngest daughter had made me a frog card on her circuit machine and it was adorable! You are aware that I am extremely fond of frogs! I planned to put it on the first page of the scrapbook.
I bought a scrapbook and some paper and came home with grand intentions. I got as far as placing my beautiful frog on the first page. As I thought about the scrapbook it dawned on me that a top loading scrapbook wasn't going to work because the cards could not be opened. I needed a scrapbook that would allow me to open and read the cards. We looked several places and no such thing seemed to exist any more! We went on line and finally located a company that made scrapbooks but they were VERY expensive. I was discouraged and set the scrapbook idea aside for awhile, returning to Walmart the top loading model we had bought and the extra paper.
One day I went to look at my cards and the FROG WAS MISSING!!! I searched and searched and was very distraught. Everything was there that should have been there but NOT THE FROG! My older daughter knew how much it meant to me and how upset I was and she methodically went through the living room but to no avail. Finally she suggested returning to Walmart's and inquiring if it
been found among the return. Having worked at Walmart's in the past she knew the procedure for returned goods. She went to the scrapbook department and went through every scrapbook on the shelves. NO FROG. I resigned myself to the disappointment I felt.
Several weeks later--the frog had been delivered in early February and now it was Palm Sunday--Cheryl and I stopped by Walmart's after church because I needed a larger wrench than I had to adjust the kitchen sink. She went to the tools department and I strolled down to the yarn department. When Cheryl joined me, she noticed that there was a huge display of scrapbooks behind us.
While I continued to look at the yarn, she picked up a scrapbook, opened it
and THERE WAS MY FROG!!!!! We were incredulous and I was so stunned and happy that I wanted to cry! It was a coincidence, the nature of which was so unlikely, that it cannot be logically explained.
I am now in possession of my FROG again and I have found a scrapbook that allows you to open the pages for viewing.
